


There's No Point Reliving Crimes to Lose This

by itsrainingsomewhereelse (PC012)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Narcoleptic Sans, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Pre-Core Gaster, Sans is depressed, Sanster, W.D. Gaster is not related to the Skelebros, both of them have problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 18:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13642458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PC012/pseuds/itsrainingsomewhereelse
Summary: A collection of Sanster one-shots.May include: fluff, angst, some sfw sin, flustered nerds, lots of gayness, gratuitous pain and ensuing comfort, a fluctuating storyline in which none of these actually fit, and dogs.





	1. Counting Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> starting semi-chronologically with one of my oldest one-shots! please bear with the quality and difference in interpretations, my skills and headcanons have changed a bit since then. ^^

The sky was clear. The air was warm. A perfect night for stargazing.

Gaster sat down on the blanket Sans had laid out, his gaze fixed upwards. His eyes were still adjusting to the darkness, but he could already see more twinkling lights than there were in the entirety of Waterfall.

"Heh, I know the feeling, buddo," said Sans, looking through his telescope as he adjusted it. "First time I saw this, I was so _starstruck_ that Frisk had to spend the whole night out here with me. I'm _Sirius_ , I was so _spaced out_ that the night flew by like a _shooting star_."

Gaster finally looked away, sighing at Sans's cheeky grin. **"That was terrible, even for you."**

"Come on, you're smiling."

 **"True,"** Gaster admitted, turning back to stare at the sky with a wistful smile.

Sans sat down beside him and leaned into his side. "What's bothering ya, G?"

Gaster sighed. **"It's just hard to believe that this..."** —he waved his hand around in a vague gesture— **"...all of this, is real, you know?"**

Sans let out a bittersweet chuckle. "Yeah, I know it better than most."

They were silent for a while, just staring into the sky as it filled with more stars than they could count.

 **"Do you ever... want to go back? Back to before all this, before everything went wrong?"** Gaster leaned back and propped himself up on his elbows, fixing his gaze on Sans. The skeleton's eyes hardened a little, still pointed upwards. His smile faltered, but he kept his voice even.

"I've thought about it. Lots of times. What I could have done differently. How things could have gone..." He leaned back on his arms and looked away.

Gaster reached out and grabbed his shoulder. **"It's not too late to try again."**

Sans looked back at him, his eyelights travelling over his face. Their eyes met. Sans held his breath. He seemed to be struggling to hope, the fear of it all being ripped away clawing at the edges of his smile.

Gaster felt the same way. But maybe, just maybe, if the sky above them could stay and the stars kept shining their lights, and there was finally a tomorrow to look forward to... maybe they could be happy, too.

Sans nodded, wrapping his arms around Gaster. "I think, for once, I would like that."


	2. Get to the Point Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which I try desperately to make them kiss, but alas the characters have to have a mind of their own and make it difficult. the plot is as predictable and thin as a wet napkin and this whole thing is as old as my great aunt and I'm not gonna go and fill in the gaps, so enjoy
> 
> contains some reference to dead parents

Gaster sat down on the floor, his back to a cupboard. **"I suppose we'll just have to wait."**

"Got any ideas on how to pass the time?" Sans sat down next to him, leaning into his side lightly.

**"I thought you were going to nap."**

"Can't. The one time I'm not sleepy and we're stuck in a janitor's closet." He glanced around the small room, hoping to find something of interest. _I mean, at least we've got cleaning supplies._

Gaster shifted, pointedly not looking at Sans. **"How was your day?"**

Sans laughed. "Are you okay, Dings? You never make small talk."

 **"Well, there's not much else to do here..."** he explained, not noticing the nickname.

"How 'bout a story?" Sans lied himself out on Gaster's lap, wondering what the hell he was doing. Gaster seemed to share his sentiment, his face tinting a light purple.

 **"I, well, your stories are always more interesting."** He took a deep breath and straightened his face professionally.

"Just part of my charm," Sans conceded, earning himself a look that said **'really?'**. He avoided the pitfalls of hubris by pressing further, "Still, you're the older one in this relationship, ergo, you must have more interesting stories to tell."

 **"Well, I certainly have _more_ stories to tell. _More interesting_ ones, however..."** Gaster thought for a moment. **"There is one story that I haven't told anyone... Not that no one knows what happened, I merely didn't deem it important enough to retell."**

Sans clapped his hands together. "Alrighty then, let's hear it."

 **"On one condition."** Gaster shot him a sly smile. **"You have to tell me about something from your past first."**

That lessened Sans's eagerness. He glanced away, rubbing his neck self-consciously. "Nah, Dings, you don't wanna hear about that."

Gaster ran a finger down Sans's nasal bone playfully. **"Come on, you're always talking about that brother of yours."** Sans felt his face grow hot. He was suddenly very glad of the relative darkness of the closet.

"Ngh, okay, but your story better be a good one." He grabbed Gaster's hand and placed it over his sternum. He closed his eyes and sifted through his memories for something worth mentioning, his thoughts turning back to one of the less bleak days of his childhood...

 

* * *

 

"Yeah, that's about it, really."

Sans glanced up at Gaster. He wasn't looking at him, his eyes locked on the door and his expression unreadable. Sans squeezed his hand and Gaster met his gaze.

**"Sorry, I was just remembering... My parents died when I was young, as well."**

"Oh."

 **"I... wasn't in such a situation myself, exactly, but..."** He looked away again. **"If you ever need to talk about it..."**

Sans smiled. He wrapped his arms around Gaster, not quite reaching all the way around. "Thanks, Dings. I 'preciate it."

Gaster gave a small sigh and hugged Sans back.

"Welp, that story certainly killed the mood. Now it's your turn."

**"Mm, all right, I've got a good one..."**

 

* * *

 

Sans laughed, burying his face in Gaster's sweater to muffle the sound. "He– he actually did it?"

Gaster couldn't keep himself from chuckling. **"I couldn't quite believe it myself."**

"And here I thought you used to be one of those brilliant, quiet types." Sans stretched his back, managing to lean too far and fall backwards.

 **"Not everyone is as obvious as you, Sans,"** Gaster rebutted and leaned forwards to catch Sans, offering a smirk.

"Hey, I'll show you who's obvious!" Sans wrapped his arms around Gaster's neck and tried to push him onto his back. He succeeded, but forgot that Gaster was still holding him and ended up with his nasal bone an inch from Gaster's face.

A moment passed as the two scientists stared at each other, their faces blue and purple, respectively.

Gaster closed his eyes, took a small breath and pulled Sans closer.

Sans froze, his metaphorical heart skipping a beat. He felt a slight pressure on his teeth, building until a spark of magic jumped between the two of them. It was warm and exciting, Gaster's magic mixing with his own at that point of exhilarating contact.

He stayed frozen for most of that moment, unable to fully process what was happening.

They were _kissing_. _Gaster was kissing him_.

He felt a giddiness overtake him, accompanied by a fluttering behind his sternum. His face burned and he couldn't think.

After a while, he decided that consequences be damned, and kissed Gaster back.

He pressed into the kiss and wrapped his arms more tightly around Gaster. Gaster responded with a pleased hum, rolling them to the side. Sans continued the roll, a quiet, happy moan sifting through his teeth. The world seemed to fall away, leaving only them and the kiss.

After what felt like eternity, Gaster broke the connection. He pulled away from Sans, looking quite flustered. Sans blinked and flushed hard as it hit him what had just happened.

 **"I– I'm sorry, Sans, I shouldn't have– I mean, we are– I-I mean–"** Gaster took a shaky breath and dragged his hands down his blushing face. **"I'm sorry, I– I shouldn't have done that."**

Sans sat in silence for a moment, then slowly got up and walked over to Gaster. He took each of Gaster's hands in his own and lowered them from his face. Gaster looked at him apologetically, almost guiltily.

Sans only smiled. He leaned forwards and gave the taller scientist a peck on the forehead. "Love you too, Dings," he added, somehow keeping his cool.

Gaster let out a relieved chuckle and wrapped his arms tightly around Sans's middle. They shared a laugh and a hug.

Sans felt happier than he had in years. He let himself relax in Gaster's warm embrace as his usual exhaustion returned.

Gaster took notice and placed Sans gently in his lap. Soon, Sans was out like a light, a real, happy grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I didn't include the stories, but this one-shot is over a year old by now and even if I got the motivation to finish it up, I would probably end up rewriting the entire thing and making it completely different, so sorry about that, but this is all there is!


	3. Stress.jpg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Gaster has a headache, and Sans is there to help

Dr. Betas called a final goodbye and left Gaster and Sans to the empty lab.

The musty old couch creaked as Gaster changed his position in an effort to get comfortable. **"Sorry, Sans,"** he added as Sans's head slid down his arm.

"Mmph, 's okay, I'm awake." He wrapped an arm around Gaster's, deciding to bury his face in the soft sleeve.

Gaster gave a small grunt, conjuring a magical hand to massage his temples. He regretted drinking that extra cup of coffee now, his headache only worsened by the copious amounts of caffeine he'd been using to ward off his exhaustion. He made a note to replenish the lab's supply of aspirin, though he doubted even that would help at this stage.

"You okay, G?" Sans squeezed his arm, a gentle reminder that he wasn't alone in this.

**"My head feels like it's splitting open."** It was a good thing Sans's voice was so low and quiet, Gaster remarked. He was glad that it didn't compound his headache like the constant buzzing of the lights in the hallway outside.

Sans gave a muffled noise of agreement, then sat up with a squeak of springs that felt like a nail piercing Gaster's skull. Sans must have seen him wince as he put a hand on his shoulder.

"When was the last time you got some sleep? 'Cause frankly, you look like you've been t' hell and back."

Gaster kept his eyes shut. **"** **Mm, I don't know. I'll be fine, I just have to focus on this project and get it done already."** He let out a long sigh. **"We've got those tests tomorrow morning that Dr. Fiddle insisted I oversee, and I have to go over what results we got from last week's fiasco. Then we have Dr. Isen's new equipment coming in later that afternoon, which we'll have to recalibrate, and Asgore wants me to brief him on what we've been doing for the past few weeks. Not to mention the fact that the machine is proving itself to be more trouble than it's worth if it doesn't work, so I have no time to work on the project, let alone sleep!"**

"Hey, slow down."

**"Sorry. I just don't know why all this is taking such a toll on me. I've had to deal with a lot more on my plate before, and now I find myself breaking down because of a few measly projects and a single week without sleep."** He leaned back into the couch, looking up into the darkened ceiling. **"Maybe I'm just getting old."**

"Nah, you're good, G," said Sans, a light blue tinting his cheeks after a moment. "You're just puttin' too much pressure on yourself. No one would mind if you took a break, you know?"

Gaster let out a bark of laughter that hurt like a gunshot. **"Pressure is a part of this job, Sans. I'll find a way to deal with it."**

Sans's eyes narrowed. "You don't sound so sure."

He didn't. Gaster opened his mouth to retort, but found it was getting hard to focus on forming sensible sentences with the metaphorical hammer hitting his skull. He frowned and looked away.

"You just... need to relax a bit. Stop the stress from getting to your head." Sans's voice was soft, concerned.

**"I'm not– I'm not _stressed_ ,"** Gaster bit back. Perhaps he was being too rough. Sans was only trying to help him. **"I just need to..."** The pain was getting worse now. He took a shuddering breath and buried his face in his hands, scrubbing his eyes.

Sans rubbed his shoulder gently, pressing into a tense spot with his thumb and relieving the knot of pain there. Gaster caught himself humming lightly at the admittedly relaxing gesture. Sans took that as a cue to move behind him and start massaging his shoulders. He slowly worked his way downwards, relieving more knots of pressure with his small fingers. Gaster found himself relaxing more and more with each second, his stress slowly melting away with the pain in his back.

"Better?" Sans asked after a while, placing his hands back on Gaster's slumped shoulders.

**"...Yes,"** Gaster admitted. He wasn't out of of the woods just yet, but at least his headache had weakened. He glanced back at Sans, who grinned sheepishly. **"Thank you, Sans. That was very..."** He felt heat rising to his cheeks as he thought about the gesture. He settled for, **"...thoughtful of you."** He looked away quickly, fidgeting with his hands.

Sans gave a chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck vertebrae. "I thought you needed it." He shrugged, sitting down next to Gaster with his hands in his pockets. Gaster noted that Sans was blushing as he avoided his gaze.

Gaster took a quiet breath and steadied his shaking hands. Fixing an indulgent smile, he leaned down and whispered where Sans's ear would have been. **"Do you... want me to return the favour?"**

Sans froze, his breath caught in his throat. He turned slowly to Gaster, his face now glowing with blue. "W-well, I mean. If you want to, I guess?" He gave a nervous chuckle, anticipation in his eyes.

Gaster swallowed down his own nervousness, steeled himself, and pressed his lips gently against Sans's teeth.

Gaster felt Sans tense as magic sparked between them. It was warm, ecstatic, a connection between the two of them that Gaster knew they had yearned for. He wrapped his arms around Sans and pushed him forwards onto the couch, ignoring the squeak of springs.

Sans, for his part, made a small, surprised noise. He grasped at Gaster's sweater, finally managing to hook his arm around Gaster's neck. He pulled the Royal Scientist closer with a pleased hum.

Gaster was exhilarated, his soul practically buoyant with a feeling he had not felt this strongly in years. Sans, this young, punny, astronomy-loving, idealistic, constantly napping, completely oxymoronic skeleton had somehow managed to burrow his way into Gaster's heart deeper than anyone before him. They had gotten so close so gradually that Gaster hadn't even noticed when liking had turned into wanting. The idea that Sans might feel the same way about him would have had him jumping for joy, were he not passionately kissing the smaller scientist at that very moment.

He pushed further into the kiss, brushing his fingers lightly against Sans's neck vertebrae. The gesture was met with another small moan from Sans, who buried his fingers into Gaster's sweater.

To Gaster's slight surprise, Sans pulled out of the kiss, using his free hand to gently push Gaster's face away from his own.

"S-sorry, I– can we just..." Gaster obliged and pulled away, inspecting Sans's expression. The small skeleton shuffled awkwardly, his face tinted a deep blue and his gaze avoiding Gaster's.

**"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable..."** Gaster said, unwrapping his arms from around Sans and propping himself up on his elbows, increasing the distance between them.

"Nah, it's– it's not that, I just..." Sans's eyelights found their way to Gaster's, awkward, but not uncomfortable. Sans rubbed the back of his neck again. "This is a little too fast for me, is all. Look, I, uh–"—his voice fell into a quiet murmur—"I really like you too, G. But, could we maybe, I dunno, take it a little slower? If you even want to, that is," he added, looking away again.

**"Oh."** Gaster's face felt hot, his headache was fading but still present, and he just realised that he was still lying on top of Sans after having pushed him down. He was about to move away when Sans gripped his hand. His eyelights were still focused on the couch's back, but Gaster could tell he was waiting for a response.

He wrapped his fingers around Sans's hand. **"That sounds like a good idea, Sans."** He leaned down and planted a gentle kiss onto Sans's forehead.

The skeleton let out a soft laugh and pulled Gaster in for a hug. Gaster wrapped his arms around Sans once more, gingerly at first and then warmly cuddling with the smaller scientist.

Though it wasn't as sensual as it had started, Gaster found it quite enjoyable just being close to Sans, both physically and emotionally. They held each other closely, finding comfort in the other's embrace, occasionally whispering flirtatious compliments or bad jokes, followed by soft chuckles buried in each other's chests.

Eventually, Sans fell asleep nestled in Gaster's arms, and with a small good-night kiss, Gaster followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah a lot of these early ones were just "hmm how would their first kiss go?" a few times over lol. still, I hope they're fun!


	4. Surface of Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans goes snooping.
> 
> warning for mild panic attacks and loss

The old lab was older than it should be, Sans thought. It was unnerving, the whole place felt off and he couldn't remember why. Maybe it was the lack of chairs, he ventured, as he entered yet another empty room with a suspicious lack of said furniture.

This room felt familiar, though. Sans couldn't place what it was, but he knew he had been here before. He ran a finger along a tabletop as he passed by, making a line in the inch of dust which covered everything. _Too old._ It was too old. He had stopped counting the days a while ago, but it couldn't have been more than a year since the Doc– since _Gaster_ had disappeared, he forcefully reminded himself. The name kept slipping out of his memory – the universe wanted him to forget, but he wouldn't let that happen.

He opened one of the dilapidated filing cabinets, closing it again once he saw that it was empty like the rest. That was what bugged him the most. _Where had everything gone?_ Gaster's work disappearing made a modicum sense, when he now hadn't existed in the first place, but the Royal Scientist hadn't been in charge of everything. The lab building still being here proved that not everything had disappeared. So why was it all just _gone_?

Sans reached the door and stepped out into the hallway, glad to be out of that eerily-familiar room. The hallway was darker than usual, all the lights having stopped working. Sans stuffed his hands into his pockets with a sigh and focused his magic. His left eye lit up with a blue light, painting the hallway in cyan hues.

There was a single door at the end of the hallway, plain and unmarked. The back of Sans's neck tingled uncomfortably.

"Welp, this isn't ominous at all," he said, expecting an echo but being met only by silence.

Sans shook his head and sobered up. He walked closer to the door, his footsteps inaudible. The hallway seemed to stretch on for longer than he expected, each step adding to the weight settling over his sternum.

It was a while before he realised he was standing just before the door, practically choking on his own breath. He wanted to go back, to just teleport away right now and never come back here, but he was frozen in place, one hand over the doorknob, wishing that this was just another nightmare.

"Okay, just– just keep calm," he muttered to himself, trying to catch his breath. "Just gotta- gotta check his office and..." The hallway went quiet again way too quickly.

Sans held his hands over his mouth, feeling his eyelights go out. _His office._ It was instinctive, habitual – of course it was, for he had visited that office more times than he could count. He remembered now.

Slowly, very slowly, Sans put a hand on the cool doorknob. He held his breath and pushed the door open.

It was unlocked, for the office's habitant had left in a hurry. Sans stepped into the dark room, flipping the light switch without a thought. The lights flickered on, threatening to die before stabilising.

The office-turned-living-space was almost as tidy as it had been the first time Sans had seen it. The desk was dusty but cleared, the chair was missing, the bookshelf on the left was empty and there was a torn periodic table on the wall. There was no sign that anyone had ever lived there.

Sans approached the desk, his soul squeezing behind his sternum. He checked every drawer, then moved on to the single filing cabinet, opening and closing its drawers with growing frustration.

The room was empty. Whatever he had hoped to find, whatever sign that he wasn't crazy, had disappeared with the Doctor.

Finally, he turned to the closet. He doubted that he would find anything useful in there, but he had to check. The door opened with a creak, then promptly fell off its hinges. Sans managed to jump to the side before it fell on his foot.

"Oh." The dark innards of the closet presented him with more emptiness. "That's... that's it, huh? There's nothing left, not even..." Sans stopped mid-sentence as he noticed something.

It must have fallen off its clothes hanger, for he had almost missed it in a corner of the closet. Sans reached inside and gingerly pulled it out.

It was a sweater. _His sweater._ His favourite, too, the one he always wore when they went out.

Sans's knees gave way and he sat down hard, clutching the sweater tightly in his hands. He hugged it to his chest, burying his face in it to muffle a sob.

It still smelled like him, vaguely. Maybe it was just an echo in his mind, but Sans didn't care.

A memory bubbled to the surface of his consciousness, faint and weak. Laughter. A whisper, unintelligible but for its soft tone.

Slowly, more memories followed, muddled and out-of-context but growing stronger. Papers, orange light. Waterfall. Bandages, echoes, working late. Determination.

His smile.

Sans didn't know when he had finally let himself cry, buy it was hard to stop now.

He had lost him. He had lost so much.

  


A long, long while later, Sans lifted his head from the sweater's folds. He looked around the empty room one more time, then teleported away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this good good post](http://industrialplant.tumblr.com/post/133977918564/but-what-if-the-sweater-sans-in-wearing-in-game-is) .3.


	5. Determination Is One Hell of a Drug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans volunteers to try out some DT. Things don't go so well. Also featuring fluff and lots of exposition.
> 
> warning for needles/syringes, medical experimentation, substance abuse/drug use (kinda), vomiting

**"Are you sure about this, Sans?"**

Sans nodded, fixing a cheeky grin. "You said it yourself, this is the best way to _determine_ its properties."

Gaster snorted, though his frown remained. **"Yes, but it does not have to be you."** He carefully took a vial containing a blood-red liquid. It seemed to churn in the low light of the testing room, occasionally twitching against the glass.

"All part of the job, and I volunteered. Besides, we both know I'm the best candidate. I guess sometimes bein' the weakest monster pays off." Sans gave a dry chuckle. He tried to hide it with a shrug, but he was shaking with excitement and fear. On one hand, what they discover could bring them one step closer to unlocking Reset. On the other, he might die, but that wasn't anything new.

Gaster seemed preoccupied with the latter. He set the vial down with a sigh. **"Just...** **promise me that you'll know when to quit."**

"Cross my soul and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," Sans said, miming injecting himself in his left eyesocket.

Gaster dragged a hand across his face.

"Come on, you walked right into that one."

 **"Let's just get this over with."** He took a syringe from the medical tray and gently filled it with the volatile liquid. Two of his magical hands took a clipboard and pen and began scribbling. **"Beginning with 5 milligrams of Determination extract, injected into the left radius."**

Sans adjusted his seat on the gurney, extending his left arm. Gaster positioned the syringe over it, its needle long and wide like the ones used for extracting bone marrow. Sans looked away.

**"This will probably hurt. Ready, Sans?"**

He nodded, gritting his teeth.

There was a sharp sting in his radius and he let out a hiss of pain as the needle reached the bone marrow. He glanced back to see Gaster press the syringe.

A burning, fiery pain raced through his bones. It was wild, hot, a corrosive force which filled his every pore. It felt like it was trying to tear him apart into nothing but dust. The burning spread through his ribcage, catching his breath, then continued into his legs, leaving an almost electric ice in its wake.

"Wh-whoa, hhhh-hah, this is some p-pretty s-s-strong stuff, Doc." He was shaking, the sound of his bones rattling accompanied by the noise of the gurney. He tried to curl in on himself, but a sudden jolt of pain caused him to snap onto his back with a yelp.

**"Hold on, Sans. I can't stop it in this phase so you'll have to bear through it."**

The cold was gradually replaced by an uncomfortable tingling sensation, like ants in his bones. He gripped the gurney to stop himself from clawing at himself. It coalesced around his chest, crawling towards his soul. Another jolt of pain had him doubled over, a terrified moan escaping through his teeth.

He felt hands on his shoulders and heard a voice, but it was all scrambled and far away and so disorientating. It was overwhelming, the substance inside him fighting to escape, to tear through him, to shatter his body. He hugged his chest, trying vainly to keep it inside. It pressed against his soul, trying to fill a space it couldn't fit. The pressure increased and he retched.

Sans cracked his right eye open slowly. There was a small puddle of glowing blue liquid between his feet. He took a long, shaky breath.

 **"Sans! Can you hear me?"** Gaster sounded panicked, his grip on Sans's shoulder tight. Sans managed a single nod before vomiting again.

Wiping his mouth on his shorts, he tried to ask a question. His non-existent throat stung painfully from the vomit, so he opted to grunt in the general direction of the glowing pool of blue.

 **"It seems the Determination is causing you to expel magic. If it continues like this it** **cou** **—"**

The burning that remained finally spread into his skull. Ringing filled every corner of his mind, blocking out all sounds and thoughts. The colours of the room jumped and shifted to sickeningly bright hues. He shut his eyes tight, his left on fire with hot pain. His soul felt like it was being crushed. The world beyond fell away, leaving him alone in a fiery hell.

 **"...** **ANS** **! SANS, ANSWER ME!"**

The voice broke through the fog of pain. It felt familiar, trusted. Safe. He wanted to answer it, to call out for help, but all the strength had left him.

**"Sans! Please, just..."**

It sounded desperate. Scared. Scared was wrong. That voice should never sound scared. If he could just call out to him...

The world snapped back into focus. Sans felt hands holding him down as he thrashed, heard a scream of agony reverberate off the walls, heard the voice call his name. He opened his eyes.

Gaster was standing over him, his expression one of panic and fear. The screaming had stopped, leaving a ringing silence in its wake.

**"Sans! Oh, thank goodness. How– how do you feel?"**

Sans's non-existent throat now hurt like hell. He must have screamed himself hoarse. He took a shuddering breath that felt like a knife to his ribs and clutched at Gaster's hand.

Gaster gripped Sans's hand in his own, his expression softening. **"It's okay, Sans. It's over."**

There was a moment of calm.

It started in his hand, where his fingers touched Gaster's own. A cold shock of electricity jumped through his left arm and straight into his soul. A moment of resistance, and then the dam burst and it flooded him.

His back arced painfully, the room flashing between blue and yellow. He let out a ragged moan, curling into a shuddering ball.

Gaster pulled back his hand and stepped away, nearly knocking over the table and medical tray behind him.

Sans clawed at his chest, the electricity rushing into his soul from all around him. It danced across his bones, reactivating the burning Determination, mixing into a perfect cocktail of pain and pleasure.

It was intoxicating. The electricity – magic, he realised with excitement – consumed him, tickled his soul in ways that made him ecstatic. While the Determination tried to unravel his very being, the magic seemed fixed on rebuilding him. He felt delirious.

His own voice echoed through the room, alternating between pained screams, hysterical giggles and various moans and grunts. Gaster was back at his side, trying to still his thrashing without touching him directly.

Sans laughed, the sound morphing into a groan halfway out of his mouth. He hugged himself tightly, hearing his bones creak. He couldn't stop shaking, his breathing now haggard and shallow.

"G-Gast...er. It– it h- _hurts_..." His voice broke on the last word, coming out as a miserable wheeze. He twitched as a shot of pain traveled from his neck to the bottom of his spine.

Gaster took a deep breath, his grip on Sans tightening. **"Your soul is eating up too much magic. I need to shut it off** _ **now**_ **. I'll be right back, just hold on."** He let go and sprinted out of the room.

A stream of giggles sifted through Sans's teeth. Even with Gaster gone, the magic which powered the surrounding equipment was more than enough to overwhelm him. It filled his soul well over capacity, the leftovers flowing out from him in waves, only to get swept back in. He felt more powerful than he ever had, like he could break the Barrier itself. It would have been the most enjoyable experience of his life if it hadn't been for the Determination.

The blood-red liquid which now filled his bones was only strengthened by the magic. It had him writhing in pain, unable to control himself as he fought desperately to get it out. With each wave of magic that seemed to expand his soul like a breath of air, more and more Determination seeped in, tearing destructively against his very being. It ripped through the soul and burned the body. There was a reason monsters didn't have such large quantities of Determination.

After what felt like an eternity, the two forces came to a standstill. Sans fell limply against the gurney, fighting for breath. The equalisation wouldn't last long, but it gave him a moment to think.

Gaster had gone to shut off the power. That would eliminate the threat of too much magic in his soul. However, neither of them knew how the Determination would react. That was the whole point of the experiment. If he was very lucky, it would calm down after a while and he would live. Whatever might happen, Gaster had to hurry.

Sans's whole body ached like he'd gone through a grinder, but that was nothing compared to how much his soul hurt. It felt like it was almost bursting at the seams, the alien substances swirling inside, expanding it and ripping at it like it was paper. He felt almost violated at that most fundamental level.

There was a click as the lights in the room flickered off, leaving his burning left eye as the only source of illumination, bathing the room in blue. The magic stopped flooding him and, slowly, the Determination calmed down with it. All that was left was a dull ache in his bones and a sting in his soul.

 **"Sans!"** Sans barely registered Gaster's return. The Doctor rushed to him, relief washing over his face as he checked Sans over. **"I– I thought you might have... Never mind that, what matters is that you are all right now."**

As if to prove him wrong, Sans leaned over the edge of the gurney and threw up once more.

Gaster's face swam in front of him, blue and frowning. **"Ah, yes, that may continue happening for a while now. Can you sit, Sans?"**

Sans was just so exhausted. He raised his head off the cold metal of the gurney's edge, then let it fall back down, deciding that this wasn't that bad of a place to take a nap. The world gradually faded into sweet oblivion as he listened to Gaster talk and felt someone carry him away.

  


* * *

  


Sans woke up feeling tired. The first thing he noticed was how sore he felt. His skull was throbbing, his non-existent throat somehow burned and his left eye stung. He opened his other eye.

He was in a dark room, lying on what seemed to be a hospital bed. The covers were tangled next to him and the mattress was damp with sweat.

He tried to turn onto his side, but gave up when his back protested with a jolt of pain. There were bandages all over his bones, most noticeably around his left radius, his ribs and his phalanges. His entire left eye was covered by gauze.

The door cracked open and Sans had to shut his eye from the bright light. He opened it again when the door closed.

Gaster had entered the room, focused on a report in his hand. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days, creases of worry carved into his face.

Sans tried to say something. He cleared his metaphorical throat and managed a quiet "heya".

Gaster looked up, his face brightening. **"Sans! I'm glad that you're awake."** He set the report down on a table and approached the hospital bed, sitting down on the edge. **"How do you feel?"**

Sans forced a weak smile. "Like hell itself."

Gaster chuckled faintly at that, his hands fidgeting in his lap. His eyes traveled over Sans's bandages and he looked away guiltily. **"I am sorry. If I had known what might happen, I never would have gone through with it."**

"Hey, of course ya didn't know. That's why we were testin' it out in the first place." He gave Gaster a light pat on his leg.

Gaster's shoulders slouched at that and he took Sans's hand in his own. **"You are right, as always,"** he said with a sigh.

"Hey now, don't beat yourself up about it too much. Accidents happen." Sans tried to pull himself up, propping himself on his left arm. Pain shot through his radius and he fell backwards with a yelp.

Gaster pulled him forwards, gripping his left shoulder with his other hand. **"Easy, you nearly snapped your spine just a few days ago."**

Sans put a hand to his forehead, feeling lightheaded. "Whoa, how long was I out?"

Gaster helped Sans sit up, one arm around his shoulders. **"Three days now, though that is to be expected with situations like this."**

Sans leaned into Gaster's side, a drowsy smile on his face. "You'd think I'd at least get some rest, huh?" Gaster adjusted their position on the bed so that they were leaning against the wall. "How 'bout you give me the lowdown on what happened? All I remember is a few fragments, shouting, and a whole lotta pain." His soul still ached from the worst of it.

**"You really should be resting, Sans."**

"Come on then, G, tell me a bedtime story," Sans insisted, gingerly laying himself over Gaster's lap.

Gaster pursed his lips sternly, but sighed when he saw that Sans wasn't giving up. He took the bed's pillow and placed it between his back and the wall, shifting until he found the most comfortable position.

 **"I presume you remember everything up to the injection?"** Sans nodded, closing his right eye. Gaster paused to gather his thoughts. **"You had a severe reaction to the Determination, though I am unsure if that is normal or specific to you. From the readings we gathered, it seems the Determination spread through your body, with the intention of reaching your soul. In humans, Determination is found only inside their souls. Monsters' bodies, however, are tied more firmly to their soul, which would explain why your body was affected in such a way. Further complications arose because your soul did not have enough 'space' for it."**

"Heh, figures."

**"I am curious what would have happened to a stronger monster in that situation... Hmm... In any case, the Determination needed more 'soul space', most of which is taken up by a monster's magic. By forcing itself inside, it caused you to expel some of your magic. Once it filled up your entire body, there was nowhere else to go. Your soul was very unstable at that point, so the introduction of magic into the equation, through contact with me, caused it to start pulling in all the surrounding magic in an effort to stabilise itself. Now, the more magic a monster has, the more 'space' there is in their soul."**

"Kinda like a water balloon, right?" Sans turned onto his side in an effort to make himself more comfortable. "The more water you fill it with, the bigger it gets." Gaster gently lifted Sans up so he was sat in his lap, leaning his head sleepily against Gaster's chest.

 **"That is a good analogy, yes. With too much water, though, the balloon can... pop."** Sans shivered. Noticing, Gaster grabbed the tangled bed sheet and pulled it over the two of them. **"That is why I had to shut off the power. However, that wasn't the only problem. As your soul drew in the magic, more and more Determination slipped inside, the quantity growing exponentially. Think of it like a contamination of the water system. If the concentration reaches a certain level, it becomes quite lethal."**

Sans nodded, his fingers curling into the fabric of his T-shirt, just above his soul. Gaster gave him a light squeeze. When Sans looked up, he saw that he was smiling sympathetically.

 **"I must say that you are one lucky monster, Sans. You see, Determination is much more powerful than magic. As more and more of it seeped into your soul, there was a moment where its power matched that of the magic. That equalisation stabilised your soul just before the concentration became lethal. I managed to shut off the power at that very moment."** He gave a small, relieved chuckle.

"Guess it was a pretty close shave. You could say it was real _heartstopper_." This time Gaster's chuckle was more genuine. "Anyway, what's with all the bandages?"

 **"Ah, yes."** Gaster's smile fell and he pressed his lips tightly. **"You were thrashing pretty badly, you see. Once the Determination began forcing itself into your soul, you started... clawing at yourself. There were some minor abrasions on your ribs and phalanges, but they should heal fully with time and healing magic. There might be some scarring on your left radius, but we will see."**

Sans grunted in acknowledgement, looking over his bandaged fingers. "And my eye? It kind of stings."

There was a fascinated gleam in Gaster's eyes. **"Yes, there was a rather interesting reaction in your left eye. A lot of Determination was focused in it, which drew more magic to that area. It started glowing with a bright blue light, occasionally flashing yellow. Last time I checked, it was still glowing. It seems that it is burning off some of the excess magic that your soul can't hold. That would explain why you stopped vomiting."**

"Ah, _eye see_ ," Sans remarked. Gaster blinked, then dragged a hand down his face. They shared a chuckle. "Though, why my left eye of all things?"

Gaster shrugged. **"Is there anything you remember that might explain it?"**

Sans instinctively reached up to remove the gauze, but stopped himself. He went through what little he remembered of that night, trying to find something that explained the eye while ignoring the memories of pain. "That's it!" He snapped his fingers, then winced as they stung painfully. "When the Determination got to my skull, my left eye was closed shut, right?"

 **"Hmm, perhaps... Since you do not have nerves or muscles, you were using a small amount of magic to keep it shut, correct?"** Sans nodded, feeling like they were getting closer. **"That means that the Determination could have been attracted to that particular spot, which in turn only attracted more magic."**

"Sounds about right." Sans was silent, picking subconsciously at a bandaged phalange. "D'you think it'll stop glowing?"

Gaster thought for a moment. **"Probably. We will have to run a few tests anyway, so we shall see."**

The breath caught in Sans's throat. He nodded, and kept nodding, his hand back over his soul. He was being irrational, of course. They were just tests, not experiments like the previous one. No need to feel anxious, not when there was no threat this time. Besides, he trusted Gaster. Gaster wouldn't let anything hurt him again. Just some short, painless tests. Nothing to get worked up about. There was nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing to...

 **"Sans."** Gaster took Sans's hand in his own, carefully prying it away from his T-shirt. Sans looked up into his face, a worried-but-kind expression visible in the low light. **"If you feel troubled by the thought, I understand. We can postpone–"**

"Nah, it's fine, G! I'm fine," Sans insisted, his voice coming out a little higher than intended. He tried for a careless grin, failed and looked away. "I guess I'm still a bit rattled from it all, heh, but I'll be up on my feet in no time!"

 **"Sans. Please..."** Gaster hugged Sans closer, leaning his forehead on Sans's crown. The small skeleton tensed, then forcibly relaxed, knitting his fingers between Gaster's. **"I can tell that what happened affected you. I... am worried for you. I know you have a tendency to keep things to yourself, but you can always trust me, you know."**

Sans took a deep breath, curling in and burying his face in Gaster's sweater. "I know, G. I know." He gave in to his exhaustion and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally back to posting these old ficlets!! fluff, angst, a little bit of everything. don't expect them to fit into any sort of coherent timeline though, hehe


	6. Days and Nights We've Lost to Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not that easy, living with 1 HP.
> 
> warning for alcohol, breakdowns and mentions of ableism
> 
> chapter title from "Fake It" by Bastille!

"Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine if you just adjust for the variable frequency," Sans said, fishing out a paper from the stack in his hands and handing it to Dr. Rex. "I've gotta get these down to Engineering, so I'll see ya around."

Dr. Rex muttered a quiet 'see you later' and left in a hurry.

Sans let out a sigh through his teeth, turning on his heel and heading down the hallway to Engineering. He passed by Gaster's office, pausing when he noticed what sounded like wheezing coming from inside.

His soul froze in his chest as he heard something heavy hit the floor.

Dropping the papers he was holding, Sans almost ran to the door and opened it, thankful that it hadn't been locked.

"Gaster! Shit..." He rushed to his fallen friend, his non-existent heart racing. Gaster was curled up on the floor, shaking and gasping for breath. Sans gripped his shoulders and tried to turn him on his side.

A whoosh flew by his head, its force pushing him back into the desk behind him. A crack filled the air as the lights went out. He had enough wherewithal to duck before something white would have stabbed him through the head.

"Wha—" Sans froze, a chill running through his bones.

Hands. There were dozens and dozens of hands pointed right at him, glittering white in the darkened room. His breath was trapped in his chest. He was paralysed, the pinpricks of his eyelights flitting between the hundreds of bullets which spelled his doom.

 **"S-Sans? Oh god..."** The hands flickered and finally disappeared, revealing a terrified Gaster sitting behind them.

Sans still wasn't moving, his eyes shut tight, images flying before his eyes as he struggled to catch breath.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched away, losing his balance and toppling to the floor.

**"Sans? Are you all right?"**

Sans curled in on himself, keeping his eyes closed. He was fine, of course. The danger had passed and he was safe. He wasn't thinking about the thousands and thousands of hands reaching for his weak soul, bullets upon _goddamn bullets_ aimed right at him...

 **"...Sans?"** The word was timid and guilty.

Sans cracked one eye open. Gaster was crouched down next to him, a quiet terror on his face. Sans realised all at once what had just happened.

"S-sorry, I– I just—"

Gaster suddenly hugged him. Sans went rigid, instinctively squirming away from the comforting gesture. Gaster seemed to notice this, pulling away and keeping an awkward distance.

**"I am so sorry. I– I didn't mean to–"**

"You lost control," Sans supplied, not looking at him. Gaster balked at that, but Sans continued before he could interject. "I heard you wheezing, y'know. Don't pretend you just tripped or somethin'."

Gaster was quiet. Sans wiped his eyes and shakily got to his feet, ignoring his wet hands and walking out of the office without another word.

  


* * *

  


It wasn't until the end of the day that he saw Gaster again. Footsteps echoed behind him, so he hurried, hoping that Gaster would just leave the whole thing alone.

The taller scientist finally caught up to him, looking rather flustered. **"Sans, I'm sorry for earlier. Do you... Do you maybe want to go for a drink? You don't have to talk about what happened, we could just, you know..."**

Sans stopped, not facing Gaster. He knew that his friend was just trying to make it up to him. He was acting silly, anyway. It wasn't like anyone was trying to dust him.

Sans sighed, glancing over his shoulder and nodding. "I'll meet you at Grillby's?"

 **"Right, all right."** Gaster seemed relieved, turning around promptly and leaving for his office. **"See you there."**

Sans hummed in response, cursing himself for still being so jostled.

  


* * *

  


By the time they were supposed to meet, Sans thought he had managed to get a handle on himself. He had even put on his best hoodie (the one with the least stains on it, that is). He was beginning to feel a little guilty about how cold he had been towards Gaster, but he forced himself to forget about that whole situation as he neared Grillby's.

To his surprise, though in hindsight he should have expected it, Gaster was already waiting in front of Snowdin's popular bar. He was wearing his dark coat and, judging from his expression and how his shoulders shook, he was not enjoying the colder climate.

"Heya, sorry I kept you waiting. Papyrus wanted his bedtime story earlier, y'know, since I didn't know when I'd be back..." He left an unsaid invitation open, partially hoping that Gaster had something planned for afterwards. They hadn't been spending as much time together lately, and Sans found himself rather looking forward to this evening.

 **"A-ah, it's f-fine!"** Gaster chirped, a smile on his purple-tinged face.

"How long have you been standing here?" Sans asked warily. When Gaster looked away sheepishly, he sighed and tugged on the tall scientist's sleeve. "C'mon, don't want you catching a cold." _...on top of everything else,_ Sans wanted to add.

Gaster let himself be dragged into the warmth of Grillby's, letting out a relieved breath as they stepped inside. The regulars greeted them as they sat down in front of the bar and its fiery owner. Grillby poured each of them their favourite drinks and gave them some space.

 **"So... how are you?"** Gaster asked, his gaze fixed on his glass.

Sans glanced up from his own, then shook his head and took a long sip. He hoped the buzz would kick in soon. "Same as usual. You?"

Gaster sighed, his shoulders slumping. He leaned over his glass, contemplating it. **"Tired. Worried."** He glanced back at Sans, a small smirk on his face. **"Same as usual."**

"Mmm." Sans took another gulp. _Ah, there it is._ Gripping the counter, he closed his eyes and leaned backwards, stretching out his arms and back.

 **"Look, I..."** Sans opened a wary eye at Gaster's pause. **"I've been thinking about earlier today..."**

"Ah." Sans leaned back on the counter, downing his glass in one long gulp. "Look, I was jus' startled, is all." He frowned, his gaze beginning to grow unfocused. He shook his head and stared at Gaster, who wasn't looking at him. "'Sides, you were the one who,"—here he lowered his voice—"got a cough attack so bad you almost Fell Down."

Gaster blanched at that, shaking his head in denial. **"I was just tired–"**

"Don't pull that crap on me," Sans interjected, perhaps a little too harshly. He waited for Gaster to look him in the eye before trying more softly. "Sorry, 'm jus' worried for you. I mean, look at the accident. You were lucky to get out alive..."

Gaster stared at him, his expression unreadable. He let out a sigh and drank from his glass. **"I admit, the past few days have been a little rough..."**

 _Rough being an understatement,_ Sans thought. He motioned for Grillby to refill his glass, leaning his chin on his hands to steady himself.

**"But everyone's been having a hard time. _You included_ , Sans."**

Sans pulled back, slightly offended. "Whaddya mean, _me included_? 'mfine, G, honest."

Gaster raised an incredulous eyebrow. **"You spent almost the entirety of yesterday** _ **asleep**_ **—"**

"Hey, I'm _always_ asleep—"

 **"—you've hardly eaten anything since this morning,"** Gaster continued, counting on his fingers, **"you can barely keep your eyes open, even now, and you've been avoiding everyone today for fear of, what,** _ **someone attacking you**_ **?"** He gave a huff and finished off his glass. **"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm** _ **worried about you**_ **, Sans."**

Sans was quiet. Gaster was right, of course. Neither of them was as well as they used to be.

"Guess that makes two of us, huh?" he noted quietly, bringing his drink to his bittersweet grin. "Worryin' over each other an' all."

Gaster let out a quiet sigh, accepting his second glass from Grillby.

"Look, can't we jus' unwind a bit?" Sans paused at Gaster's suspicious squint. "I'm not tryin' to avoid talkin' 'bout all this, just gimme a break here, Doc?" He sighed, cursing his own integrity. "I promise we'll talk about it later, okay?"

Gaster was quiet for a while, mulling it over in his head. **"All right,"** he finally conceded, **"but I'm going to hold you to that promise."** He emptied his second glass suddenly, apparently glad of the distraction. He closed his eyes, stretched his back a little with a yawn which sent a shiver down Sans's spine and heat to his face, then slowly smiled, leaning tipsily over to Sans and whispering, **"I've had a very long and stressful day, so how d'you feel like throwing caution to the wind and getting blind drunk with me?"**

Sans's grin grew wide. "Buddy, I'm already halfway there."

  


* * *

  


Sans registered a tinkling as one of Gaster's magical hands fumbled with the keys, his normal ones too preoccupied with holding Sans up against the wall. He brought his own hand to the back of Gaster's head, pulling him closer into the kiss. He heard the keys drop to the floor with a ring.

 **"Mmf, wait, Sans..."** Gaster pulled back a little, just enough to mumble into Sans's cheek. **"Let's get inside, all right?"**

Sans huffed quietly into Gaster's face, muttering a grudging 'okay'. Gaster gently set him down by the door, leaning down to pick up his keys.

Sans kept his eyes closed, trying to focus on keeping his balance. He could still feel the world spinning around him. He fell back against the wall, sliding down to sit at its base.

He heard a click and the opening of the door.

Unable to stay conscious for much longer, he let his head drop quietly into his lap as he fell asleep.

  


*

  


Sans woke up somewhere warm. He kept still, part of him hoping to return to the fleeting comfort of sleep. He gave up on that soon, trying instead to roll over.

His roll was cut short as he bumped against a familiar form. Sans blearily opened his eyes and tried to make sense of his blurred surroundings.

He was lying on the couch in Gaster's apartment, the Royal Scientist next to him, hugging him close to his chest.

Sans blinked as he realised where he was, heat rushing to his face. He tried to untangle himself from Gaster's embrace as quietly as possible, but his friend mumbled something and pulled Sans closer to himself, apparently still asleep.

Sans stayed still for a few moments, not wanting to wake him. He glanced at the clock on a nearby wall, noting that it was barely three in the morning. They must have come here straight from Grillby's and fallen asleep on the couch.

Gaster broke the silence with a small cough, followed by more, not unlike the wheezing from the previous morning. Sans gave him a careful shake. "G...?"

Gaster murmured an out-of-breath **'what?'** between his increasing coughs, covering his mouth with a hand.

"You okay?" Sans reached over and gave Gaster a pat on the back of his shoulder.

 **"I'm** _ **fine**_ **,"** Gaster squeezed out, his voice strained. **"Must have– must've caught something in my throat."**

"Uh-huh," Sans muttered sceptically, helping Gaster sit up on the couch. Sans continued to pat his back until his coughing fit subsided, leaving the tall scientist rather out of breath. "I'll go get you some water," Sans said, getting up.

Gaster caught him by the sleeve, a pleading look on his face. **"I-it's fine, Sans! I'm better now, see?"** he wheezed hoarsely.

Sans shot him a bemused look, but nonetheless sat back down. "So this is, what, just 'something in your throat'? Come on, even you can see that you're not exactly a hundred percent."

Gaster huffed at that. **"And you are?"** His voice practically dripped with sarcasm.

It was Sans's turn to scoff. "Whaddya mean by that?"

Gaster gave him a deadpan look, irritably flicking the magical hands he used to sign his speech.

Sans froze, feeling the speed of the bullet as it whizzed past his head once more. He felt his eyelights shrink to pinpricks, a quiet ice spreading through his bones.

**"S-sans!"**

He jumped at the word, falling over on the couch. He pulled his hood over his head and curled up.

**"Oh, god, I'm sorry, I– I wasn't trying to..."**

Sans shook his head, scooting away from Gaster. He was fine. It was fine. He was safe, he wasn't scared. It was fine. No one wanted to hurt him. He was fine. It was all too familiar.

**"Sans...?"**

He winced at Gaster's touch, instinctively grabbing his hand and holding it tightly in place.

 **"I'm so sorry,"** Gaster whispered, guilt etched on his face.

"Yeah, well..." Sans began. He stared at the hand he was clutching, the blue of his hoodie shining through the hole in Gaster's hand. Sans shook his head, trying to catch his last thought through the fog in his mind.

Gaster gently took Sans's hand in his own, prompting Sans to look up at him. His gaze was soft, not pitying but concerned.

"Sorry, I just..." Sans sighed, knitting his fingers between Gaster's. He sat up slowly, not letting go of Gaster's hand.

Gaster gave him some space, breaking his gaze to stare at his hands. They sat in silence, both contemplating.

"I... I'm weak, Gaster," Sans forced out after a while, unable to look the Doctor in the eye. "Really weak."

 **"Oh."** It was a surprised noise. Small. It made Sans's breath catch between his ribs. **"Well, I'm sure it's not–"**

"One HP." He looked back at Gaster, as if daring him to say something. The pressure was choking. "Just one. One hit, and I'm dust." He laughed bitterly, letting the air out in sharp bursts. "I'd die if I _fuckin' tripped_."

Gaster was silent. He didn't scoff at the idea, didn't laugh like it was all another hilarious joke. But it was. He was such a joke. The small, weak skeleton monster who just couldn't stay awake, always smiling at the joke that was his own existence. It was pitiful.

So why was Gaster hugging him so tightly?

"G, what...?"

**"I'm sorry. If I'd known, I would have–"**

"Would have what?" Sans pushed away from Gaster, just enough to stare him in the eyes. "Been more careful? Watched over me like I was a kid or something?" He shook his head, curling his fingers into Gaster's sweater. "This isn't exactly new, you know? I-I've always been weak." He laughed, loud and raucous. " _Fragile_ , they said." It was so funny, wasn't it? "' _Poor thing_ , watch out, he might fall and hit his head!' 'Be _careful_ , you don't want to hit him too hard, where would we be then?' 'I'm _sorry_ , I don't want to hurt you, maybe we could just _stay friends_?'"

Gaster looked horrified, but Sans kept going. "They told me to eat more, to exercise. They said that I'd get better if I only _tried_ , like it was _my_ fault for being this way."

**"Sans–"**

"All my fuckin' life, I've had people _patronizing_ me, treatin' me like I was made of _glass_ or somethin'." He couldn't stop. His face felt hot and wet and his hands were shaking, balled up so hard they hurt. But he grinned, because that's what he did. Smiled like it was all just a _joke_. "But that's the thing, y'see? Even glass can take more hits than me. Hah. I– I had to learn how to dodge, learn how to lie so I could even get a _job_ , otherwise Paps would be out on the streets again an– and it'd all be my fault, 'cos I'm too goddamn _weak_ t-to take care of 'im." He wiped his eyes roughly, hating himself for cracking up. "I'm jus' _tired_. Tired of bein' _pitied_ all the time, of– of everyone leaving the moment they find out, 'cos they– 'cos they can't..."

Sans tensed, inhaling sharply. Gaster was hugging him again, arms wrapped tight around him. **"I won't,"** he whispered, his tone gentle but firm, and it took all of Sans's willpower not to melt into his embrace like the pathetic sod he was. **"I won't leave you, okay? I don't care how weak you are. I– I just want you to be happy."**

Sans hadn't meant to start crying, but now it was hard to stop. He wrapped his arms around Gaster, not quite reaching all the way around, and buried his face in Gaster's shoulder.

Gaster brought him closer, leaning back into the couch.

Sans didn't move for a few minutes, his breathing gradually growing steadier. "Sorry," he whispered finally, "I didn't mean to blow up like that." He hadn't in a long while. "Guess everything just piled up and..."

Gaster gripped him gently by the sides of his head, touching their foreheads together. **"Don't be sorry. It was my fault for..."** He hesitated for a moment before continuing more firmly. **"For losing control."**

Sans winced, the side of his head stinging with pain.

Gaster must have noticed, for he removed his hand quickly. **"Are you all right?"** He tried to take a closer look, but Sans squirmed away.

"I'm fine, G. Just... stings a bit." He gave up, letting Gaster inspect his skull.

**"It's just a graze, probably from the bullet from before... Not enough to deal any real damage, but it might hurt for a few days."**

"Right." Sans paused, a coy smile playing on his face. "How 'bout a kiss to make it better?"

Gaster chuckled at that, but nonetheless complied, pressing his lips softly just beside where it stung.

Sans thought he felt a bit better after that. He gave Gaster a peck on the cheek, his soul fluttering and his face hot.

Gaster blushed a vibrant purple, mouthing a silent **'oh'**. He took a deep breath and brought a slightly-quivering finger up to Sans's mouth, as if to shush him. Then he wrapped his arms around him again and kissed him.

Sans, for his part, was too taken by surprise to do anything more than enjoy it. He felt it was over way too soon, though, but he wasn't going to complain about it.

 **"Sorry,"** Gaster whispered, looking away sheepishly. Sans noted that Gaster's arms were still around his waist.

"It's fine," Sans assured him with a smile. "I don't mind." He picked absentmindedly at the hem of Gaster's turtleneck, his other hand finding one of Gaster's.

Gaster smiled back at him, squeezing his hand and lightly bumping his forehead against Sans's. Sans chuckled, at which point Gaster let himself fall to the side until they were lying on the couch again.

Sans closed his eyes, his face in Gaster's sweater. He could feel a headache coming on. "Y'know, maybe we shouldn't get drunk off our asses next time," he muttered, wishing for the bliss of sleep to take him already.

 **"I think I have to agree,"** Gaster affirmed with a chuckle.

  


~ * * * ~

  


"Look, look, I swear I can..." Sans slurred, downing his glass and spilling half of its contents down his chin. "Ya see? Tha's like, five an' a... five an' a third or somethin'..." He squinted at the blurred shapes in front of him, trying to count them again before giving up entirely.

 **"Uh-huh,"** Gaster groaned from beside him, his head in his arms.

"... Maybe you two should call it a night," Grillby calmly suggested, picking up the glasses Sans had drunk from and proceeding to thermally clean them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which sans is an utter lightweight, some backstory gets shared, and the boys are very gay for each other. (honestly i love this fuzzy period where they're not quite a couple yet, but still very close and intimate 'v')


	8. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster has a nightmare.
> 
> warning for body horror, slight unreality, choking and panic attacks

Gaster was nowhere. His eyes opened, but he couldn't see. He felt empty, stretched thin. He looked down, seeing his hands floating in the blackness.

He couldn't feel his arms. He made a fist, then tried to open his hand. His fingers bent, retracted, stretched into long, drippy tendrils, the tips having been fused to his palm, the hole slowly melding together

He couldn't feel anything. Panic rising in his throat, he reached to touch his face, grasping at the cracks in his head. His hand came back stained with tears and black goo, parts of his white, melted face clinging to it in strands.

He wanted to scream.

He tried to take a breath, but his lungs had collapsed, his body seemed more like a dripping mass.

He couldn't breathe.

He was falling apart at the seams. His thoughts were scattered, fleeing, all he could think of was how dark it was, how numb he felt, the deafening silence, the sheer _void_ of things, it was nothing, _he_ was _nothing_ , he couldn't think, he couldn't remember, couldn't breathe–

Gaster woke up with a start, felt air fill his lungs, again and again and again, touched his hands, his face, made sure they were solid, warm, that he could feel them. He started laughing, loud, almost breathless gasps, his face hot and wet, his breath bouncing off his hands as he fought the urge to throw up.

There was a small bang and light flooded the room. Gaster jumped, screwing his eyes shut and clapping his hands to where his ears would be.

He opened his eyes a few moments later to find Sans holding him by the shoulders and calling his name, a very concerned look on his face.

"You okay? God, you look _terrible_. I heard you shouting in your sleep or somethin', then _laughter_ , and now you're–" He put a hand to his forehead. "What's– what happened?"

Gaster felt his breathing hitch as he remembered the dream– no, the _memory_. His breathing quickened, coming in shorter and shorter gasps, until he was crying again, staring at his shaking hands like they would melt away at any second.

He flinched as Sans cupped his cheek, wiping away the thick tears and forcing Gaster to look at him. "Shit, sorry." Sans smiled comfortingly. "It's okay, though. You're okay. You're here."

Gaster hugged him tightly, shaking.

He never wanted to let go.

"What happened?"

Gaster hugged Sans even tighter, pulling him down onto the mattress as he buried his head in the skeleton's shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay, we don't gotta talk about it," Sans whispered, patting him on the back. "Let's just... get you more comfortable for the moment, that sound good?"

Sans wrapped the bed covers around Gaster's shoulders, giving him a soft peck on the cheek as he did so.

Gaster has stopped crying, mostly. He nuzzled Sans's neck, relaxing his hold on him. It was fine. He was here, he wasn't going to disappear. Neither of them were.

Gaster pulled back from Sans, still sniffling. Sans gave him a small, motivating smile, cute as always. It made Gaster smile back, just slightly.

 **"I... I dreamt I was in the Void again..."** he whispered gravely. Sans's brow furrowed. Gaster looked away, looking at his hands instead. He felt ashamed. Guilty, even. What right did he have to burden Sans with his problems, when he had gone through so much himself?

Sans patted his shoulder, silently showing his care. Gaster continued. **"My body was... I couldn't feel a-anything. I just knew it was all... all _wrong_."** Gaster gulped, his hands shaking. **"My hands were m-m-melting together, my face– Sans, I c-couldn't breathe, I–"**

Sans stopped him, gently taking his hands into his own. "It's okay. You're okay now, Dings. Breathe."

Gaster did. Air in, air out.

He let Sans calm his hands, focusing on his touch, the feeling of it, close and kind and loving. He wanted those hands to stay close that night.

"You want me to keep you company?" Sans offered. "No guarantees I won't pass out on ya, heh," he added, grinning.

 **"I think I would very much like that."** Gaster hugged him again. It was going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love to torture this poor boy >:3
> 
> based on [this lovely comic](https://immadeofivory.tumblr.com/post/164442836823/ragtag-day-4-hurtcomfort-this-was-terribly) by my friend heyshakealeg/immadeofivory! give them some love~


	10. Stories Told to Me and Stories Told to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little exercise in backstory.
> 
> warning for mentions of child neglect and dead parents
> 
> chapter title from "Glory" by Bastille!

"Going out with your boyfriend, eh? Wa ha ha, last I remember, you still hadn't gotten over that thing with ol' Lord Fluffybuns!"

Gaster's face turned a vibrant purple at the old tortoise's words. **"I– no, we're not– Sans is, is just– I mean–"** he spluttered, hands waving around defensively.

Sans grinned at Gaster's reaction, deciding to focus on the second half of Gerson's remark. "Lord Fluffybuns? You don't mean King–" He was interrupted when Gaster clapped a hand to his mouth, looking around in a panic for any monsters that might be passing by. Sans felt his cheeks heat up slightly at the action.

Gaster took a deep breath and continued indignantly. **"I will have you know that there was never a, a 'thing' between me and the, me and** _ **him**_ **. We've always been, and will keep being,** _ **just friends**_ **, and whatever feelings you think I might have had are definitely not present anymore."** He nodded curtly and placed a hand on Sans's shoulder, slowly steering him away from Gerson's cave. **"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date– I mean, a– a** _ **daytime stroll**_ **with my** _ **very good friend**_ **Sans here, right. Goodbye."**

Gerson chuckled heartily behind them as they left. "You young'uns have fun now, wa ha ha!"

Gaster was still blushing when they stopped in the next room, out of earshot of other monsters. He dropped his hand from Sans's mouth, muttering a quiet **'sorry'**.

"Should I call you out on the date thing or on the fact that you totally had a crush on big ol' King Fluffybuns?"

Gaster managed to somehow turn pale while his blush grew even stronger. **"I– look, it was** **just– I was young, okay?"** He crossed his arms, not looking at Sans. **"There, I admit. I had a– a crush on him. It wasn't anything serious, though! And besides, he was married, and then the Queen left and I..."** He shook his head. **"I got over it a long time ago. We're just friends. I think he needs that more than, well."**

Sans wasn't really surprised, having suspected as much from every time the King's name was brought up in front of Gaster, but seeing him all flustered made him smile nonetheless. He patted Gaster's arm, snaking his own arm around it. "Come on, I know a good spot close by if you wanna sit and watch the ceiling. I swear it's always _up_ to something."

Gaster laughed at that, taking Sans's arm more firmly. **"Right, yes. Sorry about all that."**

"Don't worry 'bout it. As far as late-evening daytime strolls go, this is one of the best I've had so far," Sans assured him with a wink.

Gaster shook his head and smiled in return, setting off into the quiet of Waterfall.

  


* * *

  


"Heh, Grandpa Semi used to say that all the time, back when... Well."

The echo flower whispered the words back at them. Sans took a deep breath, sliding down on the bench to stare up at the ceiling.

"After our parents left, I lost track of him. He's prolly dead by now, same as them," he added in an almost bored tone.

Gaster blinked. Sans rarely talked about his life, except when he was gushing about what his amazing brother had done the other day. **"I'm sorry,"** he said gingerly.

Sans chuckled, eyelights flitting momentarily to Gaster's sympathetic face. "You wouldn't be if you'd known my parents."

**"They weren't that bad, were they?"**

"Oh yeah, they tried their best, all right." His voice stung with bitter sarcasm. "They were just too busy, y'know, never had enough _time_." He sighed. "They didn't really care much, honestly. Probably cause I was such a weak kid; everyone thought I could just die any day. My guess is they didn't wanna get attached."

Gaster put a hand on his shoulder. Sans stared at it for a few seconds, then took it in his own, turning to stare back at the dark ceiling. "I know, wasn't really my fault they were a couple of shitbags. They left pretty quickly after Paps was born, anyway. Didn't wanna take care of two problem kids, heh."

Gaster bristled up at the notion. **"You weren't a 'problem child', I'm sure of it."** Sans was the least problematic monster he had met. Always keeping out of people's way, never making himself... a bother.

Sans smiled briefly. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, G. Doesn't change what they did, though. Paps and I..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Eh, I dunno why I'm telling you all of this. You don't want to hear all this sad shit."

Gaster smiled. **"I promise you're not bothering me."** He had to admit he was a little curious, too.

Sans held his gaze, as if weighing his options. Finally, he spoke up again. "Well... we didn't have a place to stay afterwards, you know. Ended up living on the streets for a while."

Gaster wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He looked so small there in the dark. **"I'm so sorry."**

Sans averted his gaze at the sympathetic gesture, but sat a little closer all the same. "It's fine. We got through it. I wouldn't be here if we hadn't, heh." He sighed, moving over to sit in Gaster's lap.

 **"You don't have to continue if you don't want to,"** Gaster whispered gently, keeping his arms wrapped around Sans.

Sans took Gaster's hand again, knitting their fingers together. "It's okay. Been a while since I told anybody the whole story."

**"All right."**

"Anyway. Paps was just a baby bones, so I had to drop out of school to take care of 'im. Those first few years were probably the toughest, but we made do. I started high school once Papyrus was old enough for kindergarten, and that helped a bunch. He didn't really make friends, you know how it is, but the kindergarten lady was understanding. Gave us food and a place to stay when we couldn't find it on our own, but otherwise didn't pry. I'm glad of that. Papyrus was... I didn't want them to take him away, y'know?"

He smiled bittersweetly. "I was a pretty mistrustful kid, heh."

 **"I have no doubts about that."** Gaster nuzzled the top of his head comfortingly and Sans couldn't seem to resist craning his neck up for a short, warm kiss.

"Anyhow, it got easier when I started college. I got a couple jobs, found that place in New Home, didn't have to worry about finding food or a new roof to stay under every other night. Paps was in school, I helped him out when I could, but he was doing well on his own! Well, 'cept for some jerkwads who kept picking on him, but I dealt with 'em." He shook his fist mock-threateningly.

Somehow, the image of the tiny skeleton scaring the hell out of a couple of middleschoolers twice his size fit rather well, amusing though it was.

"We were doing pretty good at that point. Things went a little downhill when I started working on my doctorate, though. The workload got bigger, and our rent went up. Between school and all the odd jobs I had to do, I barely had any time to spend with Papyrus. I dropped out of college after a few months, and, well, you know how it went after that."

A smile finally reached Gaster's lips. **"Mmm, well, I'm glad you came to work at the lab. I don't know where we'd be without you."**

Sans blushed at that. "Aw, shucks, you just wanna make me feel better."

Gaster chuckled, squeezing his hand reassuringly and leaning closer to whisper where his ear would be. **"Well, _I_ certainly appreciate you being here."**

Sans blushed even harder, looking away sheepishly. "Alright, I told you my story, now what about you?"

 **"Oh."** Gaster hadn't expected having to reciprocate. He thought for a moment, leaning back against the old bench. **"There's not much to say, really. My parents died when I was, hmm, eight, maybe nine years old. It's all right,"** he added before Sans could respond, **"it was such a long time ago, I don't even remember them."**

Gaster couldn't help a nostalgic, if slightly bittersweet smile, his mind wandering back.

 **"The Underground was such a small place then! Not like the huge, sprawling caverns we have now. I suppose I was lucky enough to have a place in one of Home's orphanages. The other children there were either much younger or much older than me, so I... guess I was a bit lonely."** He shook his head, deciding to focus more on the good memories of that time. **"I had more time for reading, though! And I had a knack for science, fancied myself to be a proper scientist one day."**

"Once a nerd, always a nerd," Sans chuckled back.

 **"Quite. Oh, I had so many ideas back then! I was going to make such a change, make the Underground a better place!"** He paused, fixing his gaze on the hands he used to sign his speech. It was so natural by now, he hadn't even realised he was doing it. **"I had trouble communicating at first, what with the way I speak, you know."**

"Yeah, I remember people pointing out how funny I spoke, but it wasn't a big deal for me."

**"Mmm. Learning sign language definitely helped, though back then few monsters knew it. I think– around the time Asgore appointed me as Royal Scientist, the Queen added sign language to the school curriculum. It helped a lot of monsters who couldn't talk vocally, yes, but I can't help thinking it was partly... because of me."**

He shook his head. It didn't matter. The Queen had loved having a hand in the Underground's educational system, and she had always looked out for the best for the kingdom. **"Anyway, we moved into the rest of the Underground soon afterwards. Asgore was gracious enough to let me start a science division, and the CORE was built, too. We kept working on a way to break the Barrier, even after... You know the story."**

Sans nodded. Everyone knew about what happened to the Prince, and how Asgore had declared war on humanity.

Gaster let out a long breath. **"Well, now that we've shared our entire life stories..."**

They both chuckled, then grew quiet, listening to the serene sounds of Waterfall. Rain dripping somewhere in the distance, the echo flower dutifully repeating their words... It was calm. Peaceful. A small reprieve from the work Gaster knew waited for him back at the lab. Sans shuffled around a bit, resting his head on Gaster's chest as Gaster hugged him closer, simply enjoying his presence.

"I'm glad I'm here, too."


	16. A Ruff Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is afraid of dogs.
> 
> some good old post-pacifist fluff for once
> 
> warning for dogs

Gaster let out a long breath, setting down his book on the floor beside the couch. He stretched out on the soft cushions, careful not to disturb Sans, who was nestled on top of him, comfortably asleep under one of their many warm blankets. He led his hand gently down the skeleton's back in tandem with his slow breathing, settling it in the small of his back.

It had been a while since he'd felt this at peace.

He did not, however, expect that peace to be broken by a most terrifying sound.

"Yip, yip!"

Gaster's head snapped up, searching frantically for the source of the sound. He found the white fiend framed in the doorway, its head tilted curiously, as if it was considering its next morsel.

 **"Shoo!"** he whispered, waving a hand at the dog while trying not to wake Sans. **"G-go away!"** He made a fist at the dog, but the truth was he was trembling.

The dog wagged its tail, picking up the ball it had dropped and taking a few steps closer to the couch.

Gaster tensed up, instinctively hugging the still-sleeping Sans close to his chest. The dog stopped in front of the couch, dropping the ball it had left its foul slobber on and giving Gaster a puppy-dog look, its tongue lapping up and down with its breaths. Gaster flinched as he felt a fleck of slobber land on his face.

 **"** **L-look here, n-now..."** He conjured up a hand bullet, gulping as he picked up the soggy ball, dangling it over the dog's head. **"See this ball?"** He threw it as far as he could out the open window. **"Go, fetch!"**

The dog merely tilted its head, tongue lolling. Gaster resisted the urge to facepalm. Knowing that dog, it would be unwise to let his eyes leave its form, even for a moment.

Regardless, the dog crouched down, its tail wagging faster. Gaster didn't have time to scream before it leaped, landing squarely with its muzzle in his face.

 **"Gah!"** He jumped, scrambling back into the couch as he attempted to put as much space between himself and the dog, still holding tightly onto Sans. The little demon sniffed him, and then to his utter terror dragged a long, slobbery tongue over half his face. Gaster shivered involuntarily, keeping his expression scrunched in hopes that the dog would be satisfied.

It wasn't, leaving another obligatory lick right under his eye.

"Heh, who's a good boy?" said Sans drowsily, having woken sometime during the scuffle. He wriggled his arm out from Gaster's death grip, scratching the beast behind its ear.

 **"S-Sans, stop– don't** _ **indulge**_ **it!"** Gaster rubbed at his cheek with a long sleeve. He'd have to wash it, hopefully as soon as possible.

Sans chuckled, leaning out of their impromptu hug to stroke the dog's back. "Aw, come on, he just wanted a pet." The dog splayed itself out on its back, claws shining in the light as Sans rubbed its furry belly. "See? Good pup, heh."

 **"Mmmmmm."** Gaster severely disagreed with that statement.

He tried to disentangle himself from Sans and the blanket when Sans picked up the round dog, letting it lick his face in what Gaster assumed was a friendly manner. He always felt the beast preferred Sans. The feeling was mutual.

"Who's a good boy? You are, aren'tcha, pup?" The dog licked Sans once more, its tail wagging wildly. "Heheh, see, Dings, there's nothin' t' be afraid of." He set the dog down in his lap, ruffling its stomach as it bit gently at his hand.

 **"Right, just** _ **claws**_ **and** _ **teeth**_ **and– and I don't even know what!"** Gaster pointed an accusing finger at the fluffy source of his nightmares. **"** **Th-that thing used to be a hunter, once! It– it can rip apart a monster in** _ **minutes**_ **!"**

The dog glanced at him peculiarly, then wiggled out from beneath Sans's hand and jumped with a bark.

Gaster let out a small screech as the dog landed in his lap, it's tiny, wet fangs digging into his finger. **"G-get it off!"** He shook his hand but it was to no avail. The dog drooled on his hand like a hard-won prize. Gaster felt his skin crawl.

Sans shook with breathless laughter, only sobering up when Gaster glared at him. He pulled the dog away, giving it an encouraging pat when it let go. It would have made Gaster glower, had he not been busy scooting away from the little terror as much as he could. Sans sighed, giving the dog one final nuzzle before setting it down on the floor and sending it scampering off.

 **"You spoil that** _ **thing**_ **way too much,"** Gaster muttered, wiping his finger on a corner of the blanket. He moved to let Sans settle back in next to him.

"Aw, want me to kiss your booboo, too?" Gaster blushed indignantly and slapped Sans lightly upside the head, and the skeleton snickered out an apology. He crossed his arms, irritated, but he let Sans inspect his finger regardless. "Well, It's not bleeding, so that's good," he concluded with a smirk.

 **"Still hurt. A lot."** Gaster pouted in the direction where the dog had gone, keeping his eyes peeled.

Sans shook his head and kissed the finger, and Gaster muttered a quiet **'thanks'**. His face felt rather flushed from the entire ordeal.

He reached down to pick up his book as Sans closed his eyes to return to his nap. Gaster's fingers met something round and wet. **"M-my book! That** _ **fiend**_ **took my book!"**

Sans stifled a laugh in Gaster's chest, giving him an airy pat. "Don't worry 'bout it, it'll turn up somewhere."

 **"Ugh, darn dog..."** Gaster was _done_. He turned on his side, flung the blanket over his head and descended into a grumbly sleep.

 _At least it knew how to play fetch,_ he admitted finally, though he did not believe stealing his book was wholly necessary.


End file.
